Citation de la semaine
« Si l’amour embellit les femmes, les femmes, elles, embellissent l’amour. » (Anne Bernard)
QUEERING TRADITION
ROSE & KATE'S BIG LESBIAN WEDDING AND TOPIARY FESTIVAL
By Rosemary Rowe.
On November 17, 2007, my wife Kate and I got gay married in Toronto, Canada. I say “gay married” because even though same-sex marriage is legal in Canada, saying “gay married” is funnier. Plus, one of the meanings of “gay” is “fun” and that’s what we wanted our gay wedding to be. This … is our story.
When Kate and I announced our engagement (via my blog), many of my friends were surprised to hear that I was getting gay married. “Rose,” they said, “you always said that the great thing about being gay is that you weren't expected to get married. And that even if you COULD get gay married you wouldn't! Because queer people should be creating their own rituals and striking down oppressive social mores!”
Well, that’s true. But I changed my mind about getting married, for a variety of reasons. Yes, on the one hand, as a queer person, I DO find it problematic to be participating in and perpetuating a heteronormative ritual which has historically cast women as chattel BLAH BLAH BLAH we get to have pretty RINGS!!
The Proposal
Who actually proposed? Well, that was me. I wanted to make it a special event, of course, but we already a) decided to get married and b) had designed our own engagement rings. So naturally, when I officially proposed, I presented Kate with a video iPod with “Marry me!!! Love, Rose” engraved on the back. I suppose that, technically, a proposal should be more about “asking” than “demanding”, but I wasn’t taking any chances.
When she opened the iPod and read the inscription, Kate’s eyes filled with tears. Then she said what any lover wants to hear: “Is this the 80GB version?” And it WAS. Because true love is knowing that your geek wife really wants the top of the line toys.
The Outfits
We REALLY didn’t want to dress alike for our gay wedding and neither of us wanted to wear white – partly because we spill a lot and partly because we’re both very very plump and if we both wore white, we might be mistaken for angry polar bears.
We were going to have our dresses made for us – I was hoping for a lot of feathers, myself – but our poor dressmaker had a death in the family and in the end, we ordered our dresses off the internet. Mine was fuchsia – to match our wedding colours – and Kate went with black (and, of course, a tiara – she is the princess, after all.)
The Bridal Party
We had bridesmen instead of bridesmaids, since our best friends are both men, our Master of Ceremonies was a man and our brothers are also men. BUT we made them wear kilts and three of them are gay! So we figured that was okay.
The Ceremony
One of the things I don’t like about traditional weddings is that unless you’re part of the bridal party, you’re not really involved. You witness the wedding ceremony – you eat and listen to a lot of really tiresome speeches at the reception – you get drunk and sleep with the bride’s sister – boring, right?
We wanted to create an experience that included all of our guests and that gave everyone something to talk about afterwards, even if they didn’t know each other. So we told all of our guests to wear their most fabulous, decadent outfits – tuxedos, old bridesmaid dresses, ridiculous hats – everything they’d always wanted to wear but couldn’t. And we decided to ask all of our talented actor/dancer/singer/musician friends put on a wedding cabaret. The theme was “love” and also “lesbians”. In the middle of the show, we got up and got married - with everyone’s help, of course – and then the show went on (although it did get a little dirtier after the “wedding” part, ‘cause everyone was drunk by then).
The Cake
Our friend Emily designed and made the cake. It was awesome.
The Point
While I was ambivalent when the idea of marriage first came up, I totally loved our gay wedding. I decided that I feel the same way about marriage as I do about the word “queer” – I think it’s there to be reclaimed and who better to give marriage a makeover than the homos?
We immortalized our gay wedding the same place we met – on the internet! For more photos plus our vows, our invitation and other gay wedding fun, visit www.KateandRose.com – or, for just the photos, check out http://www.flickr.com/photos/tags/topiaryfest07
